Time...

I wrote to a friend today and this is what I said...I find it hard to believe that it's been 6 months since I've had a hug or a smile...a night laying on her bed talking and laughing or crying or both...a moment of "my ears are bleeding"...a night of a house FULL of girls...a game of Apples to Apples played Emily style...someone in my face challenging what I say with a real need to know why....Life does move forward but it certainly doesn't feel near as nice or fun...

We made it thru soccer season...yes it was emotional... Every game I would prepare myself to go watch...because there was no way that I wasn't. Some days before the game, I would go and sit on the field and talk to Em...I was sure she was there preparing for the game. As I watched the game, I actually found happiness for moments and competition throughout my being. I enjoyed watching the girls pass the ball foot to foot. I enjoyed watching them trust each other forward and backwards on the field. I enjoyed listening to them communicate with each other. They played like a team and it was amazing. And at times I swear I could hear her voice. This team honored Emily in a way that I know she is so proud of. They gave everything they had. They played like she was there playing with them. From their hearts... I'm not sure I've ever seen a group of young people with so much character. And B, was a true guide...leading them in such a positive direction. I remember the day before the 1st playoff game against Bayfield...I had this vision of Emily (I know this sounds weird) gathering the angels...and insisting in an Emily way, that they needed to make t-shirts and posters for the game...and when I was there at the field...the vision continued of these angels amongst us with their posters and tshirts and happiness...it was fun!! Oh and we made it to Sweet 16...

As a family, I feel like the 3 of us are moving forward together in a healthy, strong way. We've got a garden started. We built a chicken coop and have some baby chicks out there. Hanna and DJ are playing nightly cribbage matches. Hanna and I are talking and connecting. We talk about Emily and share memories... We laugh and cry...