One year...

It's 11:30 on November 9, 2009 and one year ago...I remember walking into Emily's room and giving her the key to the green turd as she called my subaru...I looked at her and gently touched her face and said, dad and I are leaving for Denver...where do you want me to put this key and she said..on the table...I said I love you and she said I love you too. I remember vividly her position...she always slept on her back. Her perfect little nose. Her mouth. Her beautiful hair. Her eyes were closed...and I shut the door...

And I can't help but say right now...if only we didn't go to Denver...

I'm not sure why right now seems so hard. It truly isn't any different than ever day this past year...but it's hard. Maybe because we could always look back and say rem(em)ber last year at this time...and now there is just sadness left for this time last year. I really can't explain it.

This year I've learned about sadness. The kind that really feels like your heart is broken...like it's cracking while you cry. This year I've learned about empathy. I've learned to listen. This year I've learned about community. That saying "it takes a village..." I couldn't have gotten to today without mine. I learned that tomorrow is another day. And you will wake up. And you will move through it.

You have to find a way to laugh a little bit each day despite everything, or your heart will simply run out of the joy that makes it go. ~Daoud Hari