I find writing hard...will I say the right things...do I think the right things? ha...so anyways, I have a candle lit and I sit in the dark thinking about the last five months and this is what comes to my mind...

DJ said yesterday what I've been trying to figure out how to say. "It's been so long because I miss Emily so much and it's seems like yesterday that this terrible nightmare began."

About this time 5 months ago...Emily came out of surgery and the doctor said, she made it through the surgery...and I remember thinking well OK, this is good, right...and then I remember her saying something like...well no, a bunch of medical ya ya blah blah, we don't know if she got here soon enough...blah blah blah, it was all in slow motion...and today...I still feel lost in my thoughts...

Every day I wake up...the sun rises...I find time to honor Emily...and life kicks in...we survive...I put on my smile and face the day...the sun sets.

Working on the tournament and the scholarship give me reason...and the friends leading the way give me strength...thank you...

Hanna shares memories...and it brings smiles to our home...I refuse to not be present...

I read somewhere that when your child dies, you loose your future. But a sibling, looses there past, present and future...

I'm proud of myself for pushing forward...finding the light and the good. I've seen how much Emily meant to many and the impact and footprint she left. I've been humbled.

and I'm very tired...