As 2009 starts creeping in I think about about how my life has changed...where is my life headed...will I ever be happy again? I don't know???
We spent Christmas in New England with my family, Kevin's family (Jenn's husband) and Gary's mom (Kim's husband). It was so nice to be with everyone. We had so much food and drink. We enjoyed being with each other. I am so lucky to have such a wonderful, loving, caring family. Jake learned to play "Tears in Heaven" by Eric Clapton and got out his guitar and played. Corey picked up his guitar and before you know it we were hanging by the fireplace, they were playing music and we were singing...it was fun! One of those happy moments...building some new memories...
My family got Hanna a new puppy, her name is Tarp!!! She is adorable...Hanna loves her (me too)...but ohhh...puppies are so much work...I had forgotten. My mom and dad gave her a great beginning. She has adapted to so much change in the last couple weeks and is doing just fine (except, she is still on Eastern time. lol).
I got to see some friends...I too am blessed with many friends who surround me with their love and warmth...
Leaving Silt was hard...returning even harder... I find myself very sad today...I miss Emily soooo much. 2008 wasn't so good...and I can't imagine 2009 will be to good either...When someone you love dies, people do their best to comfort you. Time doesn't seem to lessen the pain. I feel like my pain is continuing to creep in, my numbness has lessened. One thing is true, life, as you live it, goes on...
...tonight I saw the crescent moon with a bright star below as I sat in my chair and looked out the window...I thought as I was taking in the beauty...if Emily was here she would have looked, stopped, thought, laughed and commented with some wild story..and walked away leaving me smiling, thinking how lucky I am you are a part of my life...
2009 here we come...
Wednesday, December 31, 2008
Wednesday, December 17, 2008
December 17, 2008 4:17 am
One month ago, Emily left me...I miss her sooooo much.
I was laying in bed this morning and thinking about when she was a baby and how mothers always said oh, my baby is 4.3 weeks old and how I never could remember that kind of stuff...I went by the month or the almost a year method, and before I started to cry, I chuckled at myself.
I believe that Emily has surrounded our family with a warm blanket for the winter, allowing us to slowly thaw and feel a little at a time...in hopes that we will make it to the other side healthy and strong.
I feel like I've lost my connection to the whole wide world...it's funny...I truly do live through my kids...Emily kept me connected to people, to the kids, to the school, to their world...I felt like I knew what was going in so many lives.
I worry about Hanna growing up without Emily...who will she have to confide in and talk to about important decisions throughout life? Besides me of course...hehe...ya right...whatever...
I miss the excitement Emily brought to our home...she made us laugh...she was creative, the new t-shirts she made weekly, the ideas on saving/changing the world, the daily love she showed to us. Emily talked constantly, about everything and anything, We could be in the middle of a conversation or listening to a show and if Em had something to say...to her, nothing else mattered, she was going to tell us about what was on her mind right then. She took over our bathroom, and every morning at 6:50 that blow dryer started and oh man, how many times I thought to myself, I can't wait to have my bathroom back...ha...if only's...
Daily, I feel the desperation of her leaving my life...it's a feeling that overwhelmes my entire being and I don't know what to do with those feelings...and then I remember the fun and love and life that Emily lived every day and the memories that we made...and she brings a smile to my face...and I push forward....
I was laying in bed this morning and thinking about when she was a baby and how mothers always said oh, my baby is 4.3 weeks old and how I never could remember that kind of stuff...I went by the month or the almost a year method, and before I started to cry, I chuckled at myself.
I believe that Emily has surrounded our family with a warm blanket for the winter, allowing us to slowly thaw and feel a little at a time...in hopes that we will make it to the other side healthy and strong.
I feel like I've lost my connection to the whole wide world...it's funny...I truly do live through my kids...Emily kept me connected to people, to the kids, to the school, to their world...I felt like I knew what was going in so many lives.
I worry about Hanna growing up without Emily...who will she have to confide in and talk to about important decisions throughout life? Besides me of course...hehe...ya right...whatever...
I miss the excitement Emily brought to our home...she made us laugh...she was creative, the new t-shirts she made weekly, the ideas on saving/changing the world, the daily love she showed to us. Emily talked constantly, about everything and anything, We could be in the middle of a conversation or listening to a show and if Em had something to say...to her, nothing else mattered, she was going to tell us about what was on her mind right then. She took over our bathroom, and every morning at 6:50 that blow dryer started and oh man, how many times I thought to myself, I can't wait to have my bathroom back...ha...if only's...
Daily, I feel the desperation of her leaving my life...it's a feeling that overwhelmes my entire being and I don't know what to do with those feelings...and then I remember the fun and love and life that Emily lived every day and the memories that we made...and she brings a smile to my face...and I push forward....
Saturday, December 13, 2008
GLENWOOD POST Saturday, December 6, 2008
Thank you doesn’t even seem like words that fit in this situation. But, I do know the emptiness we all have felt has been tempered by the amazing community in which we live. From the moment the accident happened to today, the abundance of help and support shown to us has been incredibly humbling.
Emily touched so many people in her short life. We are so proud of the person she grew to be. We will all miss her dearly.
And to everyone, we are grateful for your place in our lives, for being our rescue, our doctors, our rock, our distraction, our comfort (thousands of loving hugs), for listening. And just being with us.
Sheryl, DJ and Hanna Johnson
Silt
p.s. The spaghetti dinner at Coal Ridge...thank you...again, humbling...
And to all our family and friends around the world...we know how much we are loved and that you have been with us in heart and spirit...
Thank you doesn’t even seem like words that fit in this situation. But, I do know the emptiness we all have felt has been tempered by the amazing community in which we live. From the moment the accident happened to today, the abundance of help and support shown to us has been incredibly humbling.
Emily touched so many people in her short life. We are so proud of the person she grew to be. We will all miss her dearly.
And to everyone, we are grateful for your place in our lives, for being our rescue, our doctors, our rock, our distraction, our comfort (thousands of loving hugs), for listening. And just being with us.
Sheryl, DJ and Hanna Johnson
Silt
p.s. The spaghetti dinner at Coal Ridge...thank you...again, humbling...
And to all our family and friends around the world...we know how much we are loved and that you have been with us in heart and spirit...
Thursday, December 4, 2008
December 4, 2008 9:05 PM
When you are 16 years old and exit...there are sooo many questions...and no answers..."Time can bring you down, it can bend your knees, have you beggin' please" for sure...
I know if I were on the outside...I too, would be wondering how are they doing?
Everyone talks about stages of grieving...and I'm sure we need to go through them all but who's to say if we are doing it right or wrong...
Hanna, has gone to school this week...she seems so strong. She is making good choices. Is writing to Emily. Walks in her room and says can I have this shirt or I have an idea...we are talking and her name isn't off limits...I think this is healthy???
DJ and I... we are sharing thoughts and feelings...we find that time doesn't really make sense and we SIT and STARE a lot. I have a list of things I need to do and if I get one thing done...I feel like I've accomplished lots. We joke because yesterday, I said I would vacuum...I did manage to plug the damn thing in. We walked around it all the rest of the day :) DJ vacuumed today. I've taken the flowers and pulled what I thought would dry pretty and made arrangements to dry and hang from our beams. I've pressed some flowers and I hope that someday I will find that old window that I can make a dried arrangement in (like I see at the fairs around the valley). And the rest we have put in our composter...I believe we will have some rich, beautiful soil right here in Silt because of Emily! DJ seems to be better at letting himself "feel" and be sad. I am still numb. I've had a couple times that I've cried so hard and felt so desperate but I don't like the feeling and make myself stop...I go numb again. I love hearing stories and looking at pictures and remembering what's good.
I think about how you, the people close to her feel and hope you are finding comfort some how, some way...keep talking, keep feeling, be healthy???
The last two nights we've been playing rummy at night...ha ha DJ and Hanna (oh and my sister Kim tonight) I'm the better than your better...ha ha
I know if I were on the outside...I too, would be wondering how are they doing?
Everyone talks about stages of grieving...and I'm sure we need to go through them all but who's to say if we are doing it right or wrong...
Hanna, has gone to school this week...she seems so strong. She is making good choices. Is writing to Emily. Walks in her room and says can I have this shirt or I have an idea...we are talking and her name isn't off limits...I think this is healthy???
DJ and I... we are sharing thoughts and feelings...we find that time doesn't really make sense and we SIT and STARE a lot. I have a list of things I need to do and if I get one thing done...I feel like I've accomplished lots. We joke because yesterday, I said I would vacuum...I did manage to plug the damn thing in. We walked around it all the rest of the day :) DJ vacuumed today. I've taken the flowers and pulled what I thought would dry pretty and made arrangements to dry and hang from our beams. I've pressed some flowers and I hope that someday I will find that old window that I can make a dried arrangement in (like I see at the fairs around the valley). And the rest we have put in our composter...I believe we will have some rich, beautiful soil right here in Silt because of Emily! DJ seems to be better at letting himself "feel" and be sad. I am still numb. I've had a couple times that I've cried so hard and felt so desperate but I don't like the feeling and make myself stop...I go numb again. I love hearing stories and looking at pictures and remembering what's good.
I think about how you, the people close to her feel and hope you are finding comfort some how, some way...keep talking, keep feeling, be healthy???
The last two nights we've been playing rummy at night...ha ha DJ and Hanna (oh and my sister Kim tonight) I'm the better than your better...ha ha
Sunday, November 30, 2008
November 30, 2008 10:45 PM
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VRsJlAJvOSM&NR=1
I'm going to go and try to sleep...good night...
I'm going to go and try to sleep...good night...
Wednesday, November 26, 2008
November 26, 2008 9:04 AM
This morning seems like winter is creeping in...a new season...extreme sledding, boarding, skiing, hot cocoa, snowmen, snowball fights...all the while our valley storing water for the beginning of a new day...
We are continuing to get through each hour, each day. I find that thinking of good memories and hearing stories keeps me moving forward. I have moments when I can't move and feel paralyzed in my thoughts...
Hanna is going back to school on Monday...please look out for her...She is sooo strong and filled with good energy right now.
Tomorrow give thanks for all you have...eat lots, play games, tell the people around you how much they mean to you...
I know Emily knew how much I loved her, and I know how much she loved me...we told each other every day!
We are continuing to get through each hour, each day. I find that thinking of good memories and hearing stories keeps me moving forward. I have moments when I can't move and feel paralyzed in my thoughts...
Hanna is going back to school on Monday...please look out for her...She is sooo strong and filled with good energy right now.
Tomorrow give thanks for all you have...eat lots, play games, tell the people around you how much they mean to you...
I know Emily knew how much I loved her, and I know how much she loved me...we told each other every day!
Thursday, November 20, 2008
November 20, 2008 11:44 PM
As I sit in the silence of my home...I have so many thoughts...today Emily was cremated. DJ and I played on the river...made a heart out of rocks and her name out of sticks...then we just walked. As we walked closer to the crematory, we were thinking was it this cloudy and gray when we started on our journey today? Tonight was a beautiful sunset...it was as if the clouds and grayness was opening and ready...my whole family stood in silence outside watching...Was the longest, most beautiful ever!
Kirk, you brought the laughter to my day...thank you...
I hope tomorrow brings one more day of life... And we celebrate her life with the passion she showed daily...such a tall order...
I miss you Emily so much...I love you Emily to the moon and back, forever and ever...
Kirk, you brought the laughter to my day...thank you...
I hope tomorrow brings one more day of life... And we celebrate her life with the passion she showed daily...such a tall order...
I miss you Emily so much...I love you Emily to the moon and back, forever and ever...
Monday, November 17, 2008
November 17, 2008 2:30 PM
My dear Emily has left our human world...One thing I do believe is that all religions lead to the same place...with different paths along the way. I hope her spirit has risen into the universe, and her wings wrap us all up warm and safe to heal from our hurt and sadness. I do believe her spirit will be with me always guiding me to be healthy and whole. Helping me to remember that my emptiness leaves room for the new. I know her heart will be with Hanna, guiding her to find her way...and with DJ...helping him to find some peace in his thoughts.
When Emily got her license in June, she signed to be an Organ Donor. She is in that process now. Emily talked about changing the world...she could protentially save 8 lives with a heart, 2 lungs, pancreas, liver, 2 kidneys, small intestines and improve 100’s more with other tissues. She will be cremated and we will celebrate her life on Friday, 7:00 pm at Coal Ridge High School. Details to follow.
Thank you to everyone for being with us this week. We know we are loved…
When Emily got her license in June, she signed to be an Organ Donor. She is in that process now. Emily talked about changing the world...she could protentially save 8 lives with a heart, 2 lungs, pancreas, liver, 2 kidneys, small intestines and improve 100’s more with other tissues. She will be cremated and we will celebrate her life on Friday, 7:00 pm at Coal Ridge High School. Details to follow.
Thank you to everyone for being with us this week. We know we are loved…
Slideshow of the vigil for Emily
See the Post Independent's slideshow of the vigil held for Emily at Coal Ridge High School in New Castle.You can also read the Post Independent's story "Hundreds gather to pray for CRHS classmate"
Memories of Emily
Please post your memories of Emily under the "Memories" topic, or email your photo's to emtarp5@yahoo.com.
Sunday, November 16, 2008
Sunday 11.16.2008 6:06 am
Medically, the brain condition has not changed. Her vitals are less stable. Her ICP (Inter Cranial Pressure) is spiking again.
We are making contacts with other medical professionals.
Hanna and I have been sleeping with her. Emily is Hanna's strength.
I find my heart breaking. I find my self sad. I find my self laughing and joking, I find myself wanting to hear stories. I find myself wanting to be with people and then I find myself just wanting to be with Emily, quiet and alone.
I find strength in Emily. Emily and I have had a very special relationship. Man, that girl can talk. We talked about everything...feelings, life issues, friends, school, soccer, people, current events, boys, love. We felt so safe with each other. Ya, know usually around 13 us parents becoming the stupidest, most embarrassing person on the planet...Emily never made me feel that way. I remember last year going to CRHS for some reason and she came over to me and walked with me, her arm around my waist. I felt welcomed.
I remember when Emily was about 11, and a little clarity came to me. Em, was talking and I was trying to tell her what to do and how to think, at least guiding her to those things, because after all that was my job, I was her mother and I knew what was best for her...and she got mad and told me I was treating her like a little kid...and this light came to me and told me to listen... Emily is giving me my strength to keep moving forward. So I'm listening...
We are making contacts with other medical professionals.
Hanna and I have been sleeping with her. Emily is Hanna's strength.
I find my heart breaking. I find my self sad. I find my self laughing and joking, I find myself wanting to hear stories. I find myself wanting to be with people and then I find myself just wanting to be with Emily, quiet and alone.
I find strength in Emily. Emily and I have had a very special relationship. Man, that girl can talk. We talked about everything...feelings, life issues, friends, school, soccer, people, current events, boys, love. We felt so safe with each other. Ya, know usually around 13 us parents becoming the stupidest, most embarrassing person on the planet...Emily never made me feel that way. I remember last year going to CRHS for some reason and she came over to me and walked with me, her arm around my waist. I felt welcomed.
I remember when Emily was about 11, and a little clarity came to me. Em, was talking and I was trying to tell her what to do and how to think, at least guiding her to those things, because after all that was my job, I was her mother and I knew what was best for her...and she got mad and told me I was treating her like a little kid...and this light came to me and told me to listen... Emily is giving me my strength to keep moving forward. So I'm listening...
Saturday, November 15, 2008
Thoughts from Sheryl's sisters
Jenn and I would like to take a moment to express our gratitude for all the love and support you have given to Sheryl, DJ, Emily and Hanna this past week. The outpour of emotional support and love for the Johnsons’ has been monumental. From the candle light vigil, the steady stream of visitors to the ICU waiting room, and the delivered meals the family has been eating for the past 6 days, we can’t thank you all enough. It speaks volumes to Emily’s spirit and just how many lives she has touched. Still, should anyone feel they need to do “something more” we have set up a benefit fund to help Sheryl, DJ and Hanna in the days, weeks and months to come.
Donations can be made in Emily’s name at the Alpine Bank in Colorado.
Anyone can make a donation to the Emily Johnson Benefit Fund by mailing checks to:
Alpine Bank
709 Horizon Drive
Grand Junction, Colorado 81506
Donations can be made at any Alpine Bank location
To find an Alpine Bank location, visit http://www.alpinebank.com/
Much Love,
Kim and Jenn
Donations can be made in Emily’s name at the Alpine Bank in Colorado.
Anyone can make a donation to the Emily Johnson Benefit Fund by mailing checks to:
Alpine Bank
709 Horizon Drive
Grand Junction, Colorado 81506
Donations can be made at any Alpine Bank location
To find an Alpine Bank location, visit http://www.alpinebank.com/
Much Love,
Kim and Jenn
November 15, 2008 6:45ish
I know Emily felt the love and empowerment, prayers and strength, energy...WOW... I am overwhelmed with emotion this morning. Thank you everyone!
Emily loves Saturdays...she can sleep in...I think I may take her lead on that one today...she is resting peacefully...She looks beautiful...I rubbed her feet with lotion ...
another day...pay if forward...
check it out:
http://glenwoodspringspostindependent.co.newsmemory.com/
Emily loves Saturdays...she can sleep in...I think I may take her lead on that one today...she is resting peacefully...She looks beautiful...I rubbed her feet with lotion ...
another day...pay if forward...
check it out:
http://glenwoodspringspostindependent.co.newsmemory.com/
Friday, November 14, 2008
November 14, 2008 5:40 am
It's Thursday...wow...I think...well who cares anyways...minutes, hours, days they really all run into each other...but, the bottom line I guess, it is another day...oh and you know what it's Friday...oh my...
Restful Night. And yesterday was a good day for her. Her inter cranial pressure seems much more stable. I've decided Emily has an opinion even when she is down...haha...she doesn't like anyone messing with her mouth. (she doesn't like dentists) She is sensitive about the position her head is in. She doesn't like her tape too tight around her ventilator. And when she doesn't like it, her vitals and ICP let you know. I guess the spirit never changes!!!
One doctor had suggested a surgery this morning, putting in a trach and stomach tube...but the neurosurgeon felt there was no reason at this point. So deferring to the latter... There are a lot of doctors that are around and looking at her, it's sort of comforting...I'm not sure if it's a don't ask, don't tell...or if they aren't sure whether you understand or don't want to know. If you ask questions, they do have "some" answers. The brain is tricky...can't fix it. I think we've come to a mutual understanding, their job it to give the facts as they see them and my job is to be the mom, bring the hope and faith and let them know what kind of spirit they are dealing with!!! I believe, Emily, even in her injured and healing state, has touched many of their lives...I see the emotion and kindness they feel. They enjoy pictures and share stories I tell...
A candle light vigil is being held tonight at the Coal Ridge High School Soccer field at 7:00. And everyone is getting together to send healing energy, prayer and love to my baby. We will be with Emily guiding her to that energy and prayer. And all our friends, not here in our Valley, go to a soccer field, think of Emily and send your prayers and thoughts...
Restful Night. And yesterday was a good day for her. Her inter cranial pressure seems much more stable. I've decided Emily has an opinion even when she is down...haha...she doesn't like anyone messing with her mouth. (she doesn't like dentists) She is sensitive about the position her head is in. She doesn't like her tape too tight around her ventilator. And when she doesn't like it, her vitals and ICP let you know. I guess the spirit never changes!!!
One doctor had suggested a surgery this morning, putting in a trach and stomach tube...but the neurosurgeon felt there was no reason at this point. So deferring to the latter... There are a lot of doctors that are around and looking at her, it's sort of comforting...I'm not sure if it's a don't ask, don't tell...or if they aren't sure whether you understand or don't want to know. If you ask questions, they do have "some" answers. The brain is tricky...can't fix it. I think we've come to a mutual understanding, their job it to give the facts as they see them and my job is to be the mom, bring the hope and faith and let them know what kind of spirit they are dealing with!!! I believe, Emily, even in her injured and healing state, has touched many of their lives...I see the emotion and kindness they feel. They enjoy pictures and share stories I tell...
A candle light vigil is being held tonight at the Coal Ridge High School Soccer field at 7:00. And everyone is getting together to send healing energy, prayer and love to my baby. We will be with Emily guiding her to that energy and prayer. And all our friends, not here in our Valley, go to a soccer field, think of Emily and send your prayers and thoughts...
Thursday, November 13, 2008
Em(ily)brace #5
Friday November 14, 2008
7:00 PM
Candle Light Vigil
Coal Ridge High School Soccer Field
If you are across the country gather at your local soccer field!
Let's send good energy and pray for Emily Johnson !
7:00 PM
Candle Light Vigil
Coal Ridge High School Soccer Field
If you are across the country gather at your local soccer field!
Let's send good energy and pray for Emily Johnson !
4:40 PM
Miracle: An event that appears inexplicable by the laws of nature and so is held to be supernatural in origin or an act of God: "Miracles are spontaneous, they cannot be summoned, but come of themselves"
She looks beautiful today!
I found myself needing to talk and cry with someone I didn't know well...I explained to her all I knew...Emily's medical condition, how I want to believe and hope for a miracle, Hanna, my support system, what a special person Em was to bring all these people together. I explained that I thought all these people are here because Emily has touched their life somehow and in someway. And I thought they needed to see to move forward. We all prayed with Emily. I know she could feel the energy, the love, and the hope.
For all of you that have spent the days, into the night, onto the next morning...please take care of yourselves...You have given me a gift I hold in my heart! I am so proud of my daughter, she connected so many people and obviously gave so much of herself...
She looks beautiful today!
I found myself needing to talk and cry with someone I didn't know well...I explained to her all I knew...Emily's medical condition, how I want to believe and hope for a miracle, Hanna, my support system, what a special person Em was to bring all these people together. I explained that I thought all these people are here because Emily has touched their life somehow and in someway. And I thought they needed to see to move forward. We all prayed with Emily. I know she could feel the energy, the love, and the hope.
For all of you that have spent the days, into the night, onto the next morning...please take care of yourselves...You have given me a gift I hold in my heart! I am so proud of my daughter, she connected so many people and obviously gave so much of herself...
November 13, 2008 6:40 am
Another day...
Emily looks peaceful! She has a new pair of boots and they look quite comfortable, soft and warm. Keep her feet flexible (to kick that soccer ball) and prevent soars on her heals. Don't really know the protocol for the day...just looking for one small, good thing to happen.
OK, so I believe in God, good energy and karma...I know that Emily feels me in the room, when I touch her, she feels me...and I can feel her energy too! Last night, we were in the room and Emily loves her arm tickles from DJ, I was standing beside her and giving her an arm tickle and looked at her and said, Emily, if you can feel me, I want to see extra breathes...I then looked at the monitor and she took (on her own, above and beyond the ventilator) 4 breaths. Hanna's eyes got big...so lots of praying, good energy and cashing in on the karma...I feel that today!
Rachel, thanks for keeping the faith...and not getting "sucked in" yesterday...You put the whole group of us back on track...
Emily looks peaceful! She has a new pair of boots and they look quite comfortable, soft and warm. Keep her feet flexible (to kick that soccer ball) and prevent soars on her heals. Don't really know the protocol for the day...just looking for one small, good thing to happen.
OK, so I believe in God, good energy and karma...I know that Emily feels me in the room, when I touch her, she feels me...and I can feel her energy too! Last night, we were in the room and Emily loves her arm tickles from DJ, I was standing beside her and giving her an arm tickle and looked at her and said, Emily, if you can feel me, I want to see extra breathes...I then looked at the monitor and she took (on her own, above and beyond the ventilator) 4 breaths. Hanna's eyes got big...so lots of praying, good energy and cashing in on the karma...I feel that today!
Rachel, thanks for keeping the faith...and not getting "sucked in" yesterday...You put the whole group of us back on track...
Wednesday, November 12, 2008
8:40 PM
Hanna and I decided to write this blog together...
"And Its Real And It Wont Go Away, Oh No,
Cant Get Around, And I Cant Run Away,
I Need A Miracle Everyday."
-g.d.
We found out today, that Emily's injury is in the lower part of the brain stem. The functions of the brain stem include life functions, and awake-ness. She had a tough day with her ICPs, the pressure was hard to keep stable, and they decided to up her blood pressure with medicines so they could give her more sedation.
I know Emily will pull through all this, she has always been the strongest person i know. Shes always so positive, and i know she still is thinking that way for herself. We all are staying strong for her, like we know she would for anyone else, thats what she needs from us. Its hard for me, as her sister, to sit here and wonder, and not be able to help her. Id do anything for her, and i know she knows that. Emily is definitely my best friend, and one of the best people in my life. Shes more than a sister, we are not the siblings that most people are, we get along like best friends do, but we never seem to get sick of each other. I thank Emily for that. She is always so patient and understanding, i cant wait for her to come out of this and realize how strong and special she really is, to so many different people. I know she is in there doing all she can do, and trying her best at it, cause thats just the person she is. She is always so determined in everything, this situation especially. I love her sooooo much, id fill up this whole blog with extra O's if i could, i wish i could explain it, to her now, more than ever. I know you will come out strong sis, you always have, and i know you will again. You've been a fighter since day one, and you will be till your last days. That wont be anytime soon though, your not going anywhere without your best fight. Your fights always been strong enough before, it still will be. You are so strong. I cant wait to give you a hug when you wake up. i love you em.
-Hanna
"And Its Real And It Wont Go Away, Oh No,
Cant Get Around, And I Cant Run Away,
I Need A Miracle Everyday."
-g.d.
We found out today, that Emily's injury is in the lower part of the brain stem. The functions of the brain stem include life functions, and awake-ness. She had a tough day with her ICPs, the pressure was hard to keep stable, and they decided to up her blood pressure with medicines so they could give her more sedation.
I know Emily will pull through all this, she has always been the strongest person i know. Shes always so positive, and i know she still is thinking that way for herself. We all are staying strong for her, like we know she would for anyone else, thats what she needs from us. Its hard for me, as her sister, to sit here and wonder, and not be able to help her. Id do anything for her, and i know she knows that. Emily is definitely my best friend, and one of the best people in my life. Shes more than a sister, we are not the siblings that most people are, we get along like best friends do, but we never seem to get sick of each other. I thank Emily for that. She is always so patient and understanding, i cant wait for her to come out of this and realize how strong and special she really is, to so many different people. I know she is in there doing all she can do, and trying her best at it, cause thats just the person she is. She is always so determined in everything, this situation especially. I love her sooooo much, id fill up this whole blog with extra O's if i could, i wish i could explain it, to her now, more than ever. I know you will come out strong sis, you always have, and i know you will again. You've been a fighter since day one, and you will be till your last days. That wont be anytime soon though, your not going anywhere without your best fight. Your fights always been strong enough before, it still will be. You are so strong. I cant wait to give you a hug when you wake up. i love you em.
-Hanna
1:05 pm
I am sitting in her room right now, thinking and remembering...What I do know...Emily has boundless energy, a contagious laugh, a spirit that truly makes you believe you can do anything, a leadership that brings people together, to celebrate, to believe, to fight for...a true kindness, a being beyond her age, the willingness to listen, looks for solutions, a love of people, and a love of life. Emily loves Hanna and is the best big sister a little sister could ever ask for.
What I've learned today...between 72 and 96 hours are the the hardest. Swelling is at it's peak and there is no give in the skull. We are trying to keep her quiet and sedated with very little stimulation, allowing her body the rest and peacefulness she needs during this time period.
This morning, I was able to see her head when they changed the bandages. They have shaved the front part of her hair away leaving a tiny amount of her beautiful, curly, copper, brown hair sticking out the back. She has a beautiful head and was exceptionally gorgeous this morning. Her stitches silently gave me a chuckle...I thought of frankenstein! And then of course I thought Emily would have been thinking the same thing and again, I outwardly smiled!
The hospital has given Emily's friends a place in the cafeteria to set up and be together. You guys have been my rock...Emily has surrounded herself with beautiful people!
Please pray hard...miracles can and do happen!!!
What I've learned today...between 72 and 96 hours are the the hardest. Swelling is at it's peak and there is no give in the skull. We are trying to keep her quiet and sedated with very little stimulation, allowing her body the rest and peacefulness she needs during this time period.
This morning, I was able to see her head when they changed the bandages. They have shaved the front part of her hair away leaving a tiny amount of her beautiful, curly, copper, brown hair sticking out the back. She has a beautiful head and was exceptionally gorgeous this morning. Her stitches silently gave me a chuckle...I thought of frankenstein! And then of course I thought Emily would have been thinking the same thing and again, I outwardly smiled!
The hospital has given Emily's friends a place in the cafeteria to set up and be together. You guys have been my rock...Emily has surrounded herself with beautiful people!
Please pray hard...miracles can and do happen!!!
November 12, 2008 5:24 AM
Another morning...Emily seemed to sleep well. Her face and eyes are even less swollen and her vitals are stable. Her pain medication and sedation seems to be an art form of it's own...constantly managed and forever evolving. She is stimulated by "routine" maintenance, making her cough, changing bandages and cleaning her bed or her body. When she is stimulated her ICP (inter cranial pressure) rises and this can be bothersome to her recovery. Our soothing voices seem comforting to her. There are times when the medical staff doesn't want us around and for understanding reasons...She needs rest, no stimulation just quality down time where her body is not trying to work at all.
Hanna is always looking for the positives...yesterday she came in the room when they were changing the tape that holds the ventilator and food tube in place and obviously removing the tape off her face really hurts and therefore her body reacts. Hanna watches them start and she observes her legs going crazy...she looks at me and says, eyes wide open, her legs are really moving mom, that's good right? And I said, she still can feel and can move, yes this is good. She took that and left to tell, with some sort of excitement to others "on the sidelines".
Again, thanks for all the support...we are feeling the love! Continue good energy and prayer for Emily.
Hanna is always looking for the positives...yesterday she came in the room when they were changing the tape that holds the ventilator and food tube in place and obviously removing the tape off her face really hurts and therefore her body reacts. Hanna watches them start and she observes her legs going crazy...she looks at me and says, eyes wide open, her legs are really moving mom, that's good right? And I said, she still can feel and can move, yes this is good. She took that and left to tell, with some sort of excitement to others "on the sidelines".
Again, thanks for all the support...we are feeling the love! Continue good energy and prayer for Emily.
Tuesday, November 11, 2008
11:45 PM
Time...patience...positivity...the words of the day. The swelling in Emily's face and eyes has diminished some. She has times where the pressure/swelling in her head is very high...fluids are continuing to drain. Today was challenging for everyone...I learned how sleeplessness pulls you down and will work at allowing myself more resting time.
Emily's friends have filled her room with pictures, flowers and messages...you guys rock!
Emily's friends have filled her room with pictures, flowers and messages...you guys rock!
November 11, 2008 12:15 pm
As we sit with Emily, watching and waiting...lots of things come to mind...things to remember and think about when healing...As with any bruise or injury, it always gets worse before it gets better... The doctor is worried and concerned because Emily isn't having any reaction today. So, first course of action is to lower the sedatives slowly (not to waken her) to see if that may be a reason...that's were we are now.
The waiting room is once again full with friends...they are working on a collage for her room.
I know that many of you know that Emily calls herself "Tarp". Lindsey Tarpley is #5 on the Woman's National Soccer Team. Audrey and Sam wrote to Lindsay and told her about Emily and Tarpley wrote back to Tell Emily she was thinking of her. If you could have seem Emily when she was at the America/Brazil game in Denver and met Lindsey, she was ecstatic...and told Lindsey, "You made my Life". just a cool memory...
The waiting room is once again full with friends...they are working on a collage for her room.
I know that many of you know that Emily calls herself "Tarp". Lindsey Tarpley is #5 on the Woman's National Soccer Team. Audrey and Sam wrote to Lindsay and told her about Emily and Tarpley wrote back to Tell Emily she was thinking of her. If you could have seem Emily when she was at the America/Brazil game in Denver and met Lindsey, she was ecstatic...and told Lindsey, "You made my Life". just a cool memory...
Good Morning! I wanted to give you an update this morning. As a parent, I feel like tiny positive steps have happened. Last night they put another drain in her skull and it seems to me like it released some pressure and swelling in her face also...coincidence I don't know? She slept well and looked peaceful and comfortable last night. They started a new protocol of drugs that seem to keep her more regulated. Her vitals are stable. They still have her in a medical coma and she will stay that way until the swelling in her brain subsides and they feel her brain has had plenty of healing time. I truly don't know how long that will be...
We all know that Emily's heart and soul are full of positive energy. She is fighting for her life and working very hard. I know that if Emily could talk she would have an "opinion" about what's going on right now...
Also, wanted to mention how wonderful if feels to live in our community...you guys have been our support, thank you. We also feel how much Emily has touched so many lives. She has so many people that care about her...I tell her everyday about you all!
I was thinking if you have a picture or a memory to share we could make a collage for her room...bring it or send it with "the 6 chicks" or Ryan...and when she is ready to open her eyes, you guys will be there with her.
Thank you for all the positive energy and prayers...
We all know that Emily's heart and soul are full of positive energy. She is fighting for her life and working very hard. I know that if Emily could talk she would have an "opinion" about what's going on right now...
Also, wanted to mention how wonderful if feels to live in our community...you guys have been our support, thank you. We also feel how much Emily has touched so many lives. She has so many people that care about her...I tell her everyday about you all!
I was thinking if you have a picture or a memory to share we could make a collage for her room...bring it or send it with "the 6 chicks" or Ryan...and when she is ready to open her eyes, you guys will be there with her.
Thank you for all the positive energy and prayers...
Monday, November 10, 2008
Day 2 11-10-08 9:25am
Sheryl and DJ appreciate the love and prayers you are sending to Emily. They want everyone to know that she is still under a medically-induced coma and the doctors will keep her in that state until she is healed enough to come out of it. She has several fractures on her skull and face. Although she is hooked up to a ventilator, Emily has been taking breaths on her own which is a very good sign. Sheryl & DJ are going to be staying in a room that the hospital is providing and Hanna will join them when she flies in from her trip. Please continue to pray not only for Emily, but for the whole family. Ryan has bumps and bruises but is otherwise physically ok. Again, your prayers and love are felt by the family.
The First Day 11-9-08
Today has been rough on family and friends, but a lot of people showed up to support Emily and her family. Emily came out of surgey around 9:30pm and her organs and blood pressure were stable. She is in ICU in a drug induced coma and she'll stay in one till doc says she's ready to come out of it. Sheryl and DJ have a place to stay at the hospital for the whole time that Emily is in the hospital. We hope this blog is very useful to you for updates instead of having to call the family. They appreciate the love shown by all, but hope this is an easier way to get updates. As of now (2:06am) Emily is still in the same state and we won't know a whole lot more until later on tomorrow. We will keep updating the blog as much as possible. PRAY FOR EMILY!!! We all know she is strong and will come out of the coma healthy and FULLY RECOVERED...and smiling like she always is :). And we're gonna try and sleep :).
-Sam and Audrey
-Sam and Audrey
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